Children and Scheduled Activities
As a parent of a five year old son, I am constantly bombarded with information. Which school he should go to, which recreation classes he should attend, how busy he should be, and so forth. At five, I am worrying more about his life than I will be when he is in college [at least I hope so!].
I continuously have conversations with parents about how much, and/or how little he should be doing. One of his friends takes chess in school, then a private class on the weekend. Another is taking piano and violin lessons. Yet, another is in hockey, baseball, and soccer.
It is hard to decide what a child should do. My son wakes up at 5:30 am and sleeps at 6:30 pm. He goes to school at 7:30 and comes back at 3:30. My question is between 3:30 and 6:30 how much can I do? He takes three classes a week-two on weekends. Most of his after school time is free play.
Is it necessary to enroll him in numerous classes? Will he be able to compete with his peers despite not participating in all these activities?
The Children of the New Generation
The children of the new generation are under intense pressure; especially those who are born in the upper middle class of society. These children are the progeny of professional parents who have worked hard to earn their places in society. They want their children to have the best of everything. They work hard to make sure their children are able to do everything.
However, what impact does a full schedule have on the children? With parents at work, nannies are taking the children to all the classes. Stay at home mothers have become chauffeurs. They drive their children on a tight schedule.
I go to the gym and hear children whining in the halls. They do not want to take a Tae Kwando after a swimming class because they are too tired. Some want to go home because they ‘hate’ swimming. Mother’s and nannies are hauling kids to their classes. Is it worth it?
Over scheduling Children and the Results
Most researchers agree that over scheduling children does take its toll. The majority of conventional research suggests that ‘putting kids in too many activities leaves them frazzled and unimaginative…’ some research however, suggests, “…Children who were focused or balanced in their activities had the lowest levels of stress and highest self-esteem.” [Read more at: Parents pay hefty price for over-scheduling kids | Troy Media Corporation] So who do we believe?
What are the long term effects of such long and overscheduled days?
The University of Michigan’s Survey Research Center, conducted a study to conclude that since the late 1970’s children have faced a 25 percent drop in play time and about a 50 percent drop in unscheduled outdoor activities.
Still more research suggests that this over-scheduling has caused more kids to be diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, and depression. Parents are over scheduling kids from the goodness of their heart, but the value of goodness for the American family comes from hyper-competition and the marketplace.
It seems to me that parents are spending more time with their kids, but it is not quality time. These over scheduled kids are unable to sit still anymore. They have to be constantly entertained, whether it is by the activities or by the television. They do not know what to do-when they have nothing to do!
Imagine such a child hitting puberty. Not knowing what to do with free time—it’s a minefield waiting to explode. A girlfriend of mine has two sons; one is six years old and the other twenty one. The gap helps us, who are struggling with young kids get free advice. She recently told me a friend of her elder son came home from college burned out.
A highly successful child from the beginning he was apparently an exceptional student, great at sports, always on the honor roll and so forth. Alone, at college, away from his family, he began to feel depressed, got into binge drinking and drugs. Today, he is home with his parents as they struggle to help him through this downward spiral. He has become withdrawn and is undergoing therapy.
The final word
I am by no means saying that children should not have scheduled activities. They definitely should. However, we should schedule activities for them, not for ourselves. I have realized that sometimes we try to live our life through our kids, and that is just not fair.
A child should be able to play alone without intervention for at least 30-45 minutes every day. A child should be able to make decisions. A child should be able to believe that even if he is not doing anything, he is still doing something worthwhile.
By over scheduling our children we take away their own powers of decision. We take away their individual thoughts. We take away their ability to listen and understand their own bodies. A five year old tells us he is tired, and wants to rest and we ignore him and force him to go through a class of soccer. At fifteen when he is truly tired, he does not know he needs his bed and not the drug that will ‘perk’ him up. At college after a hard day of study, that same child may go back to his dorm, and smoke some pot so that he gets back in his groove.
To me over scheduling is like overeating. Dieticians tell us that we should let our children tell us when they are done with food. We need them to learn to listen to their bodies. When they tell us they are tired we have to stop. Otherwise we will make them dependent; today on us, tomorrow on something dangerous.
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